Just Me

Trans doesn't always means transition. It can also mean transcend. I see my self as transcending the gender binary.

Before I dig in, it is important that you can understand sex, gender, and attraction are 3 separate things that can exist in infinite combinations. Sex is what you are, gender is who you are and attraction is who you desire. 

I realize most of you all have wondered and talked about me. I deeply wish we lived in a world where I didn't have to explain myself. However,  I realize I do need to explain.  I owe it to you, those who care about me. It is very difficult for me to be the center of attention. But for a moment I will have to be. I will try to clear a few things up. Please realize, as hard as it is for you to understand me, it is that hard for me to understand you. You have never felt like me, and I have never felt like you.

First and foremost, I am Marc and will always be Marc. That will never change.

Second, I am not and have no desire to transition to another sex. I like the sex I am. My gender is what you are seeing.  I have never felt 100% masculine, or 100% feminine. I feel like I exist in my own mix in the middle somewhere.

Third, I love Angie and our family! I will always put Keeley First, Angie second and me third. However, I came to a point that if I continued to hide and deny who I am I was not go to be able to be there for them. Hiding put me in some very dark places. 

Forth, makeup and hair etc, do not change me. It is only a visable expression of what has always been there. To me it feels like I have been wearing a costume to fit in my whole life. I am finally taking the costume off.

Some outward appearances have changed. Inside I have always felt like a mix. Somewhere between masculine and feminine. I am comprised of many traits that could be seen as either. I am now expressing some of my feminine side. It has always been there. From the earrings to the hair. I have tried to hide it, tried to deny it, tried to throw it away. But I can't. It is in no way a choice. It just is. My first memory of realizing I was different was the first day of kindergarten. I have many stories to share, for another time. 

I know this is difficult to understand and I will help you as much as I can. I am fine discussing it. But I don't want it to be the all we talk about. I still like all the stuff I always have. That hasn't changed. Really all that change is makeup and maybe the occasional cute shoes. 

All I ask of you is to treat me as you always have. No more no less. My love for all of you has not changed and I sincerely hope yours for me will not change. I know I may loose some people but I hope I can grow closer to those I love. All of you! I am scared shitless to send this to you all. But at the same time it is a huge relief! 

I LOVE YOU ALL!