I keep telling my daughter the best way to disarm a bully and a hater is to stand proud and accept who you are. She has amazed me with her confidence and tenacity. So here I am learning from my daughter and doing as I say. I realize many people are making assumptions about me, some correct, many incorrect. I will do my best to clear this up. I will do my best to educate as well.
As I have posted in the past, I hate the idea of some big fancy this is me declaration. However, I have come to realize that if I am not open and honest, I can never expect people around me to learn, change, and accept. I feel a responsibility to do my part to educate and perpetuate good. I firmly believe the only real social change comes from the micro level. Me to you, you to another, them to another and so on until it builds. So here it goes.
Trans doesn't always mean transition. It can also mean transcend. I see myself as transcending the gender binary.
Before I dig in, it is important that you can understand sex, gender, and attraction are 3 separate things that can exist in infinite combinations. Sex is what you are (biology), gender is who you are, and attraction is who you desire. None of these things are as binary as many think.
It is very difficult for me to be the center of attention. But for a moment I will have to be. I will try to clear a few things up. Please realize, as hard as it is for you to understand me, it is that hard for me to understand you. You have never felt like me, and I have never felt like you. As comfortable as you have been in a binary world, I have always been extremely uncomfortable.
First and foremost, I am Marc and will always be Marc. That will never change.
Second, I am not and have no desire to transition. My sex (Biology) is mine and I am not seeking to change it. My gender (expression) is what you are seeing. I have never felt 100% masculine, or 100% feminine. I feel like I exist in my own mix in the middle somewhere. I mean NO offense to any one that has or desires to transition. They are absolutely valid in who they are and deserve nothing but the upmost respect from all of us. I admire their strength and grit it.
Third, I love Angie and our family! I will always put Keeley First, Angie second and me third. However, I came to a point that if I continued to hide and deny who I am I was not going to be able to be there for them. Hiding put me in some very dark places.
Fourth, makeup and hair etc, do not change me. It is only a visible expression of what has always been there. To me it feels like I have been wearing a costume to fit in my whole life. I am finally taking the costume off. All those years of hiding from pictures was because I never liked who I saw. I love who I see now.
Some outward appearances have changed. Inside I have always felt like a mix. Somewhere between masculine and feminine. I am comprised of many traits that could be seen as either. I am now visually expressing some of my feminine side. It has always been there on the inside. I have tried to hide it, tried to deny it, tried to throw it away. But I can't. It is in no way a choice. It just is. My first memory of realizing I was different was the first day of kindergarten. I have many stories to share, for another time.
I know this is difficult to understand and I will help you all as much as I can. I am fine discussing it. But I don't want it to be the all we talk about. I still like all the stuff I always have. That hasn't changed. Really all that changed is makeup and maybe the occasional cute shoes.
I will post some educational stuff and invite respectful discourse when I do. I hope to not lose any of you over this. I hope you stick with me and have an open mind to learning. The world is too divided all we can do is come together as individual. Try to understand each other and slowly bring us all together.
All I ask of you is to treat me as you always have. No more no less. My love for all of you has not changed and I sincerely hope yours for me will not change. I know I may lose some people but I hope I can grow closer to all of you! I am scared shitless to post this to you all. But at the same time it is a huge relief!
I LOVE YOU ALL!
